This?
This little tiny candy bar?
This, my friends, is the DEVIL.
I don't even like coffee.
I, however, LOVE the smell of it, which is what got me through the first bite of this bad boy that my friend Cathy brought me from Canada.
In Canada, by the way my friends talk, this candy bar counts as one of the six food groups. (There are six, aren't there?) (There are in Canada, where this one rests in Group 6, along with Canadian Maple Cookies.) (Not that I've tasted those...yet.)
Back to the Devil Bar Coffee Crisp. I was able to choke down bite two...after slowly chewing it. And beginning to savor the beautiful coffee flavor, which was (oh, God forbid!) starting to grow on me.
Bites 1 and 2 took about 10 minutes. I'm all, "Oh, I can try a couple of bites of this tonight, and do a couple tomorrow, and maybe finish it before the end of the week, and tell Cathy I really, really savored the taste."
Truth: I honestly don't remember bite 3, 4, or....WHAT HAPPENED? Did the Wonderdogs steal this wonderfully decadent candy bar? It was just right here! What happened?
WHERE'S MY COFFEE CRISP?
I MUST HAVE MY COFFEE CRISP!!!
How did I get that smear of chocolate across my face? I think I must have gone into a chocolate hypnotic trance. And someone made me eat the whole thing, in one sitting. Because that puppy disappeared right after bite 2. Well, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
See? Coffee Crisp = The Devil.
CATHY!! CATHY!! When ya heading back up North, eh?
I called my trainer today.
To, you know, bitch whine.
She didn’t answer.
So, I instant-messaged another trainee, Melissa, on Facebook.
She called me back.
Here’s how it went down. (disclaimer: I may have taken a wee bit of poetic license.)
Me: I wanna quit.
Her: You can’t quit.
Me: I want to quit. I gained weight. I’m having irregularity. I’m not a happy camper.
Her: You drinking all the water you’re supposed to be drinking?
Me: Yes. I feel like I’m about to pee my pants every freakin’ minute of every freakin’ day.
Her: I was discouraged, too, but I’ve lost X amount of inches!
Me: Whooooopeee Freakin Weeeeeee. That's so refreshing to hear! Really? That's awesome. Now, back to me. It's all about me, don't you know that? I wanna quit. I gained weight and I’ve been being so good.
Her: Don’t quit. Get measured. Grab another gear. Quit your whining. Life is good.
Me: I think I’m gonna hurt her when I see her.
Me: Freakin’ clairvoyant.
Do something right, Janie, because I’m tired of talking to you on the phone.
I go home, make a meal replacement shake, throw ice and a zucchini squash into it, and drink the sucker. It was awesome, really!
I felt so much better about myself.
But I'm really worried about Starbucks. Without my daily Venti 7-Pump No Water Chai, Extra Hot drink, they're probably going to go out of business. And at this rate, I’m never gonna use my iPhone pay app, OR get my black Starbucks card.
I’m a tired girl.
Last night, Elder Son decided to come in, get some meds for his respiratory problem, and promptly fell asleep. At 10:30 p.m.
I had taken some natural sleeping aids, but stayed up to wait on him...and probably ruined the “slowdown” of the sleeping aids. Did you know you can do that?
Let me tell you, it’s not fun when that happens. You don’t know whether to take more, or just try to force yourself to sleep.
Suffice it to say, when my alarm went off at 4:30 a.m., I was not well rested.
But, I did it.
I got up, washed my face, changed to workout clothes, and went to the gym.
And I’m sore.
But I’m glad to be back working at working out again!
