This morning, my phone rang. It
was Elder Son, though I could barely understand him.
ES: Mom.
Me: Yeah, babe?
ES: Mom, I had to ...call you.
(He’s hesitating, sounds like he’s crying.)
Me: What’s up? Is SOMETHING
WRONG????
(I can hear all this snuffling,
and scuffing around, and some type of weird guttural noise.)
ES: Jason and I are having to
load these little...(more snuffling, weird sounds) miniature horses that
Jason’s granddad bought for Jason’s kids at the livestock auction, and...and...(mumbles
off into nowhere, and I can hear him laughing and trying to catch his breath.)
(I can hear Jason laughing out
loud.)
Me: What? What's going on?
ES: Well, Mom, it’s just
that.....(fades into laughter again. He finally composes himself)...we
got all the horses loaded except for...(and off he goes again) except
for this (Jason laughing his butt off in the background)
Me: (I start laughing, too.) Tell
me! Use your words! Finish your sentence!
Now, I ask you, how stupid is
that, that I start laughing? I can’t
even see them, I don’t even know what’s happening. But I can only imagine.
Jason isn’t a tall guy, but Elder Son is one tall lean bean.
And a miniature horse, much less 7 or 8
of them? Just the visuals are funny!
Me: Elder Son! Finish, please?
ES: Mom...I can’t....it’s just
that, I’m really trying...okay, give me a second....okay....we’ve been
trying...trying to...(and he dissolves into man giggles again.)
I just sit there, grinning like a
Cheshire cat. I don’t know what it is, but I know it’s going to be good. It’s absolutely
positively gonna be one of those “worth the wait” ones. So, I wait.
He finally calms down a little
bit.
ES: Mom, we’ve got all these
teeny horses loaded in this honking huge trailer, (and they're laughing
again, they’re losing their voices)...(they finally catch their breath and ES
resumes) except for (bustin’ gut laughs now) the little stallion.
(And he cracks up again.)
Me: The what?
ES: The stud miniature horse,
Mom. He’s a stubborn little &*O(^)%(&.
Me: Oh, Lordy, me (I
really started laughing now)!
ES: Oh, Mom, we are so
frustrated. We tried to herd him up with the rest of the horses. He’d get
halfway up the ramp, which is really short to the ground, then fall off. He’d
just tip over. He’s really fat. We’d start again - he’d back down the ramp. He
did not want to go. Then, we tried to lead him up. No go. Then, I led and Jase
pushed. That didn’t work. So, Jase led, and I pushed. (Laughter. Then
escalating laughter.) That didn’t work, either.
And now, Mom, the horse is mad.
He’s snorting at us and pawing at us - it is so funny, the little thing! (Uncontrollable laughing from both he and Jase.)
(By now, tears are running down
my face and I’m having trouble breathing!)
And then, Mom....(giggles)....I
finally got so frustrated I tried to pick the little b*st*rd up and throw him
in the trailer. (huge laughter.)
Me: What? You tried to pick
him up?
ES: Yessssssssss...(fades
into sputters and they’re off again, laughing hard!.)
Me: Did it work?
ES: Hell, no, Mom, it didn’t
work (and they crack up into laughter again), he weighs 400 pounds and
he was thrashing around and trying to get away!
Me: Oh, Lordy.
ES: I gotta go, Mom, we gotta
figure this out, I just had to call you.
And he hangs up laughing.
I talked to him this morning.
They finally got the little stud horse loaded into the trailer. Elder Son and
Jason physically picked up the horse, together, and stuffed him in the trailer.
Elder Son is still laughing.
Me, too!
