A Little More Cracked

Damn you, cancer.

Michael and his Mom.

We lost my husband’s oldest living brother, Michael, last Monday night about 10:30 p.m.  My husband was by his side, as were his wife and children and another brother. I cannot imagine what they all felt that night.

ThatManILove immediately called me, sobbing.  My heart, already broken, broke some more, for my man and his family.  I know what it’s like to lose a brother.  Not fun.  Killer deal. And here I was, going through some bizarro rerun, though a little remotely.

Being the only family in our town at the time, I was sent to inform Michael’s mom of her son’s passing.

My friend Clara was still here, thank God, so she went with me to my Mom-in-love’s to give her the news at 11 p.m.. My heart? Broke completely as I held this small woman whom I’ve grown to love as a mom, and told her that her son hurt no more.  That her boy was gone. She sobbed.  I wept.  Clara wept.  

I know, I know. Death happens. 

For a mom to bury a child - it should not happen this way.  And it’s really hard when you’re a mom, to see not one, but two of your sons pass before you.  I remember watching my mom as my big brother passed.  I don’t really know what “the natural order” of things is, but this cannot be right.  It sucks.  It really sucks.

We buried Michael yesterday.  His beautiful wife and children put together the greatest video of photographs of his life, along with some of his most loved songs.  The service was standing room only.  This man, Michael, was an honorable man of great character and integrity.  A man who loved his family, above all else.

I want to be like Michael.  Heck, we all do. He was an amazing man.

I’m more than a little angry.  Perplexed.  Hurting, for those I love, who called this man Husband. Daddy. Pop-pop. Son. And Brother. I'm waiting and watching. Caring. Loving.

And I’m praying. Praying that healing will come, and please, Lord God, sooner than later.  And until then, that Love will dull, and soon remove, the sting of pain for all of those beautiful people that are Michael's loves.  


Happy trails, Mike.  Until we meet again.

Dogs Working Cattle - A Beautiful Sight

Elder Son sent me a link to some photographs taken by Craig Kelley of Not So Serious Productions.  These photographs are amazing, of the cowboys gathering cattle, the cowboys and horses working together, and the dogs doing what they are bred to do - their jobs.  It is nothing less than an intricate dance, and beautiful, at that.

If you’ll get to page 5, the photos of the actual cattle works will start, and in there, you’ll see some awesome pictures of Elder Son and his baby Australian Shepherd pup, Hud*.  

ThatManILove and I have watched this slideshow over and over - there is nothing more beautiful than seeing a dog, doing what he’s been bred to do.  

This little fellow is 6-7 months old, and watch him work.  He’s one happy pup.

Click here to see the amazing photojournalist Craig Kelley's photos of the Gleghorn Gail Gathering.  Enjoy!


*Update:  Friday night, my son's wonderful Hud was tragically killed. Our son is heartbroken, as are we.

Dancing With Jesus

Darling sweet girly-girl,

Your aunt Patty texted me tonight about ordering some of your pictures, so I reviewed the albums of your family, and had to write you a letter.  As a sometimes photographer, I see lots of things and people through the lens of my camera.  Last year, I was asked by your mommy to take some photos of you and your brother, and I was blessed to  “see” you. 

I’ve known your mommy since she was a little girl, not too many years older than you were in our session.  You, your brother Eli, and your mommy made my day, that Sunday.  I picked y’all up at your house, and we got Starbucks.  We went to the museum, and y’all posed and played and smiled for me.  We went to the lake, and you talked to the geese and ran scared, long hair streaming, when the gander came after you.  You took your red sparkly flats off, and hung your bare feet through the rails over the lake, and I remember you had on red toenail polish that matched your sparkly red headband. 

You three were an absolute joy to photograph, and I fell in love with you all.  I saw how much you love your mommy and your big brother, and how much they love you, their sweet Cameron.  You flirted for the camera, you ran, you climbed, you played with flowers, you and Eli held each other, and both of you held your mommy.  You did everything I asked you, and more.  I took the most amazing shots of y’all, but it wasn't about me - it was about y'all.  You all have so much love, it easily transfers to the photographs.  In one photo, a sunbeam is shining down on the three of you, it looks so special, and you all are so beautiful. Even now, when I review the photos, I can see your heart.  How much you love.  How much you care.  How you embraced everything.  You are fearless. And beautiful.

Little Boogie, your mommy calls you.  And Cam-Cam, you are to your big brother Eli.

Your special name for your mommy is Ma moo, and Eli's special name, LiLi.

Girly-girl, I know you had an amazingly fun 6th birthday party with Jesus yesterday.  I bet Jesus danced with you, the way he did the day He welcomed you into Heaven.   I can see you in a red sparkly poofy petticoated dress, much like your red recital dress, spinning and whirling.  Words cannot express, but I know.  It gives me peace. 

Oh, you beautiful little girly-girl.  I miss your glorious smile, your twinkling eyes, your beautiful hair, your adventurous spirit, the way you loved on your mommy and your big brother, and every single person you met. You met life with wide-open arms, and to love and be loved was your absolute design factor.  I am so honored to have met you.  

We miss you, Cameron.

You are forever loved.

Read The Instructions, Silly.

Today could have been a gritchy day, but by God’s design, I’m not normally a gritchy person.

A couple of people tried to pull rank on me to get time slots they wanted.  Not once, but twice today.

Really, people?

It didn’t work.  And I still had to be nice and tell them no, sweetly and effectively.

Karma, people.  I don’t know how it really works, but I do know what goes around comes around.

And if you play by the rules, you win. And you go on to bless someone else.  I guess that would be good karma. If you try to manipulate someone, you lose, eventually.  And that? Bad karma.

I hate being manipulated.  It’s a virtually ineffective tactic with me.  I can smell it coming a mile away.  It’s like my antennae shoot up into the sky, vibrating at the least little wave heading my way.

“Warning! Warning!  They’re going to scream and cry and threaten to get what they want.  Danger, danger, Will Robinson!”

And still?  I fall for it.  Until they're about halfway through their spiel, and out it comes..."we do a lot of work with your company"...or "we'll pull our sponsorship"... or....well, you get the drill.  Or, they offer to pay me.  It's a non-profit, dude.  That won't work. I don't get paid to volunteer!

I hate that they don’t get what they want.  There’s something twisted in me that wants everyone to be happy, and I’ll work like hell to make it happen for them.  Ah, well, they’ll get over it. They can get happy in the same pants they got mad in.   If they’d read the instructions, they wouldn’t be in this predicament.

Sweet tiny little rant over.

Thanks for listening. Seriously.  Now I'm going to try to go back to sleep, okay?

Cracked

I am so unsettled this week.  My world has cracked.

Sunday, a week ago, we had winds in excess of 60 mph.  And we’re in a drought in this western part of the country.  Drought + wind + any unknown incident = raging, running, life-taking fires.

Fires that eat up miles and miles, and swallow whole anything that gets in their way.

There was a 7 car pileup on Interstate 20 on Sunday, due to this raging fire, and a life was lost.

A young, beautiful, 5 year old sweet girly-girl - an awesomely gorgeous, precocious, smart young lady.

The same young girl I photographed, along with her big brother, back in November.

I have friends who have lost a child.  It is horrifically sad.  And now, another friend, and yet another child.

I am friends with the little girl’s mom and have known her since she was a wee lass, herself.  I have absolutely nothing to say to her...all I can do is hold her.  There are no words.  

I am absolutely heartbroken.

We all are.

Rest in peace, sweet baby girl.  You are forever loved.

LoveLoveLove