Sunday, February 19, 2012

A Little More Cracked

Damn you, cancer.


Michael and his Mom.


We lost my husband’s oldest living brother, Michael, last Monday night about 10:30 p.m.  My husband was by his side, as were his wife and children and another brother. I cannot imagine what they all felt that night.

ThatManILove immediately called me, sobbing.  My heart, already broken, broke some more, for my man and his family.  I know what it’s like to lose a brother.  Not fun.  Killer deal. And here I was, going through some bizarro rerun, though a little remotely.
Being the only family in our town at the time, I was sent to inform Michael’s mom of her son’s passing.
My friend Clara was still here, thank God, so she went with me to my Mom-in-love’s to give her the news at 11 p.m.. My heart? Broke completely as I held this small woman whom I’ve grown to love as a mom, and told her that her son hurt no more.  That her boy was gone. She sobbed.  I wept.  Clara wept.  
I know, I know. Death happens. 
For a mom to bury a child - it should not happen this way.  And it’s really hard when you’re a mom, to see not one, but two of your sons pass before you.  I remember watching my mom as my big brother passed.  I don’t really know what “the natural order” of things is, but this cannot be right.  It sucks.  It really sucks.
We buried Michael yesterday.  His beautiful wife and children put together the greatest video of photographs of his life, along with some of his most loved songs.  The service was standing room only.  This man, Michael, was an honorable man of great character and integrity.  A man who loved his family, above all else.
I want to be like Michael.  Heck, we all do. He was an amazing man.
I’m more than a little angry.  Perplexed.  Hurting, for those I love, who called this man Husband. Daddy. Pop-pop. Son. And Brother. I'm waiting and watching. Caring. Loving.
And I’m praying. Praying that healing will come, and please, Lord God, sooner than later.  And until then, that Love will dull, and soon remove, the sting of pain for all of those beautiful people that are Michael's loves.  


Happy trails, Mike.  Until we meet again.


19 comments:

  1. i am so sorry. for your husband, for your sweet little mother-in-law, for michael's family. for you.

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  2. Beautifully written, Jamie. I felt your pain and sadness. Give my condolences to your husband and his family, too.

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  3. I'm so, so sorry...I hope you all are continuing to find comfort in one another and in your memories. You are in my prayers as well that you find peace...

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    1. Thanks, Kim. I appreciate your prayers for all of us.

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  4. What a wonderful story; what palpable pain. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Blessings and Bear hugs in the wondering, healing process, Janie.

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    1. Thanks so much, friend. We need those Bear hugs!

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  5. Oh no..my sympathy to all of you. Sending prayers for comfort to you:)

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    1. Thank you so very much. Your prayers are greatly appreciated.

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  6. So sorry for your loss, Janie. No, it's not the natural order of things. Not natural at all. Although death does not discriminate. Especially when it comes to damn cancer. I lost my brother-in-law (my husband's brother), at 45 years of age, about 7 years ago. Being more than a little perplexed is probably all we can be. And be there for one another, of course. It really never goes away, the pain of the unnatural order. But the love of family sees you through. *Hugs*

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    1. Thanks, Jayne. Blessings to you and yours...

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  7. Cancer sucks big time...it took my dad last Nov. It still seems so not fair. Hoping love will carry you through...

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    1. So sorry for your loss!!! I'm counting on love, yes I am.

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  8. Cancer sucks big time...it took my dad last Nov. It still seems so not fair. Hoping love will carry you through...

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  9. So Sorry Janie... Prayers to Family...

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    1. Thanks, Dar! You're a dear. I know you miss your mom still.

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  10. I'm so sorry for your family's loss, Janie. You're in my best thoughts.

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  11. Birth is a miracle but death by cancer is evidence of a lousy exit strategy. Yes, Janie, anger is appropriate because we are lied to but having watched two dear friends go recently, we must remember they (as you say) are no longer hurting. It is we survivors that continue to feel the pain. But we grieve and the acute pain does go to be replaced by a soft sadness whenever they are remembered as they were in life and still are in our hearts.

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