We bought a rug at HomeGoods.
Steve and the rug manager took it out to the truck while I paid for it. I walk out to the sidewalk, and notice the manager is looking at me funny, and ThatManILove is saying, "She's recovering, though. We just have to watch her."
I play into what I think is going on, saying "Yes. If I start twitching, it's past time for my drugs." The manager has this sickly smile, and a weird look on his face.
We get in the car, my friend Becky and Steve laughing uncontrollably.
Me: "What did you tell him, ThatManILove?"
ThatManILove: I said, "You need to watch her. We go shopping with her, but we normally don't leave her unattended, especially to pay out for us. So you might want to make sure she paid. She's a recovering kleptomaniac."
And yes, the manager checked my receipt.
It's never boring around here.
And you absolutely, positively cannot make this stuff up.