Dialing In The Big Bad Dodge Ram Truck

So.

I might not be ready for the big time yet.

I had to put my truck in the shop for  yet another post-wreck repair.  The wreck that wasn't ever my fault.  That happened in November. Yeah, the four-car one.  Where the guy hit me going 55 mph while he was eating his burrito.  Thank God noone was seriously injured.  

And my truck was supposedly 100% repaired at the end of February. Right.  Yeah, whatever.

Will they EVER be finished?

But…I digress.

Back to the rental agency.

The SUV I rented wasn’t ready.  Wasn’t going to be ready.  Had not even been turned in yet.  Didn’t know if it was coming in.

So…they gave me a Dodge Ram Crewcab.

No problem.  I used to pull horse trailers.  I can drive a big truck.  Especially one that's pretty.  Powerful.  Pretty powerful.

I get in, stick the key in the ignition.

Nothing happens.   Repeat.  Nothing again.  I put my foot on the brake, wrench the steering wheel, again, nothing.

I look to make sure that it’s in Park. 

That is, when I found the Gear….ummm…shift.  Knob, I mean.

What the heck?

You turn the knob to put your car in REVERSE?  In DRIVE?  In PARK?

RAM TOUGH?  Take your thumb, and your pinkie, place them on the knob, and turn to the right to put the Big Bad Dodge Ram CrewCab in Drive.  YOU CAN DO IT.

What if you wanted to drag race?  (As I dissolve in a paroxysm of giggles, making engine racing noises to myself.) (Okay, so I'm easily entertained.)

And the key?  Is one of the newfangled key FOB thingamajiggies.  That goes to the Dodge Ram Truck that I had to get the Hertz parking lot attendant to help me start.  That same Dodge Ram Truck that belongs to National.

Help me.

Please.

Turn the dial to reverse and lets get the heck outa Dodge, okay?

And quit laughing.  Right now.  

I cannot make this stuff up.