The Little Horse Who Wouldn't

Okay, I admit it.  This story was first published, on my original blog, in 2009.  But it is so funny, it's worth publishing again.  So, here ya go...

This morning, my phone rang. It was Elder Son, though I could barely understand him.

ES: Mom.

Me: Yeah, babe?

ES: Mom, I had to ...call you. (He’s hesitating, sounds like he’s crying.)

Me: What’s up? Is SOMETHING WRONG????

(I can hear all this snuffling, and scuffing around, and some type of weird guttural noise.)

ES: Jason and I are having to load these little...(more snuffling, weird sounds) miniature horses that Jason’s granddad bought for Jason’s kids at the livestock auction, and...and...(mumbles off into nowhere, and I can hear him laughing and trying to catch his breath.)

(I can hear Jason laughing out loud.)

Me: What? What's going on?

ES: Well, Mom, it’s just that.....(fades into laughter again. He finally composes himself)...we got all the horses loaded except for...(and off he goes again) except for this (Jason laughing his butt off in the background)

Me: (I start laughing, too.) Tell me! Use your words! Finish your sentence!

Now, I ask you, how stupid is that,  that I start laughing? I can’t even see them, I don’t even know what’s happening. But I can only imagine. Jason isn’t a tall guy, but Elder Son is one tall lean bean. And a  miniature horse, much less 7 or 8 of them? Just the visuals are funny!

Me: Elder Son! Finish, please?

ES: Mom...I can’t....it’s just that, I’m really trying...okay, give me a second....okay....we’ve been trying...trying to...(and he dissolves into man giggles again.)

I just sit there, grinning like a Cheshire cat. I don’t know what it is, but I know it’s going to be good. It’s absolutely positively gonna be one of those “worth the wait” ones. So, I wait.

He finally calms down a little bit.

ES: Mom, we’ve got all these teeny horses loaded in this honking huge trailer, (and they're laughing again, they’re losing their voices)...(they finally catch their breath and ES resumes) except for (bustin’ gut laughs now) the little stallion. (And he cracks up again.)

Me: The what?

ES: The stud miniature horse, Mom. He’s a stubborn little &*O(^)%(&.

Me: Oh, Lordy, me (I really started laughing now)!

ES: Oh, Mom, we are so frustrated. We tried to herd him up with the rest of the horses. He’d get halfway up the ramp, which is really short to the ground, then fall off. He’d just tip over. He’s really fat. We’d start again - he’d back down the ramp. He did not want to go. Then, we tried to lead him up. No go. Then, I led and Jase pushed. That didn’t work. So, Jase led, and I pushed. (Laughter. Then escalating laughter.) That didn’t work, either.

And now, Mom, the horse is mad. He’s snorting at us and pawing at us - it is so funny, the little thing! (Uncontrollable laughing from both he and Jase.)

(By now, tears are running down my face and I’m having trouble breathing!)

And then, Mom....(giggles)....I finally got so frustrated I tried to pick the little b*st*rd up and throw him in the trailer. (huge laughter.)

Me: What? You tried to pick him up?

ES: Yessssssssss...(fades into sputters and they’re off again, laughing hard!.)

Me: Did it work?

ES: Hell, no, Mom, it didn’t work (and they crack up into laughter again), he weighs 400 pounds and he was thrashing around and trying to get away!

Me: Oh, Lordy.

ES: I gotta go, Mom, we gotta figure this out, I just had to call you.

And he hangs up laughing.

I talked to him this morning. They finally got the little stud horse loaded into the trailer. Elder Son and Jason physically picked up the horse, together, and stuffed him in the trailer.

Elder Son is still laughing.

Me, too!

Life Bites

Last night, we went to dinner with friends to the Garlic Press, an upscale eatery not far from our house. Gary and Kim, ThatManILove and Janie.

The food was delicious.  The company, delightful.

Just to give you a little background, we entertain clients here almost exclusively.

We have an assigned waiter (through no negotiation on our part - we like him, he likes us) named Joey.

And Joey? Knows our drill.

We get the ticket, every time.  No ifs, ands, or buts.

Sometimes, I get out my credit card, and pass it to him.

We were having so much fun tonight, I missed doing that.

So, when Joey brought our ticket, he placed it between ThatManILove and Gary.

Immediately, a scrabble for the ticket ensued.

ThatManILove had his hand on it, and Gary had his hand on it.

Push, pull, push, pull, tug of war, and poof.  It was over before it started.

Gary ended up with it.

But mostly, because he tried to bite the hand of ThatManILove...who jerked his hand back, then looked at me in shock and said, “He almost bit my hand!  I felt his teeth graze my skin!”

I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard in a while!

It’s never boring around here!

I Found Another Me!! (Well, sort of…)

I’m always gritching and whining about needing another me, because I’m so busy all the time with travel, etc..  

A good salesperson needs time to assimilate all the information he or she has collected, and share that information with bosses, coworkers, etc.  That’s how sales works...it begins with a collection of information, and ends with the proper dissemination of that information, and then delegation of such, if one has a team.  And then, one goes from there to building relationships, being a solution provider, etc.

I came a little closer to that goal - the one of finding another me -  today.

I found an iPhone app for importing contacts.  

People, people, people are my resume.  I’ve gathered quite a few work acquaintances, customers and friends over 27 years in the oil and gas industry.

Before this morning, I had 6837 contacts in my iPhone.

I am not kidding.

Within 45 minutes, I had uploaded 50 more, bringing that total to 6887.  All by taking simple picture of each card.  If the card was a regular white card, with simple graphics, it took about 30 seconds to take the photo of the card, check for accuracy, and export to my phone.

This is revolutionary, people.

The app is WorldCard for iPhone.  WorldCard also has apps for Droid, Blackberry, and others.  AND if you use Cloud, you can send the card there, too.  Cloud means you never evah evahevahevah lose your stuff (relatively speaking).

My particular app was $5.99.  Best bang for the buck I’ve had in a while.

Wanted to share.  If you only meet 10 people a month, it’s worth it.

Here's a quickie youtube review of how it works.  Thanks, Jonathan! You ROCK!

Happy trails to you, until we meet again!  (and when we do, I'll have your contact info & blog in my contacts in about 2.3 seconds, thanks to WorldCard!)

Read The Instructions, Silly.

Today could have been a gritchy day, but by God’s design, I’m not normally a gritchy person.

A couple of people tried to pull rank on me to get time slots they wanted.  Not once, but twice today.

Really, people?

It didn’t work.  And I still had to be nice and tell them no, sweetly and effectively.

Karma, people.  I don’t know how it really works, but I do know what goes around comes around.

And if you play by the rules, you win. And you go on to bless someone else.  I guess that would be good karma. If you try to manipulate someone, you lose, eventually.  And that? Bad karma.

I hate being manipulated.  It’s a virtually ineffective tactic with me.  I can smell it coming a mile away.  It’s like my antennae shoot up into the sky, vibrating at the least little wave heading my way.

“Warning! Warning!  They’re going to scream and cry and threaten to get what they want.  Danger, danger, Will Robinson!”

And still?  I fall for it.  Until they're about halfway through their spiel, and out it comes..."we do a lot of work with your company"...or "we'll pull our sponsorship"... or....well, you get the drill.  Or, they offer to pay me.  It's a non-profit, dude.  That won't work. I don't get paid to volunteer!

I hate that they don’t get what they want.  There’s something twisted in me that wants everyone to be happy, and I’ll work like hell to make it happen for them.  Ah, well, they’ll get over it. They can get happy in the same pants they got mad in.   If they’d read the instructions, they wouldn’t be in this predicament.

Sweet tiny little rant over.

Thanks for listening. Seriously.  Now I'm going to try to go back to sleep, okay?

Rollin', Rollin', Rollin'...Keep Them Dogies Rollin'!!!

It’s been a busy month, but what’s new?  The Younger Son’s getting hitched in a month and a week.  I have a business meeting in Alaska coming up soon, and we’re gonna get to go fishing on the Kenai River - what a hoot that will be!

And you know, have camera will travel!

We received notice that the IRS is going to audit us.  That should make for some lovely blog fodder...(spare me, you say?  Well, okay.  I’ll think about it.)

A funny thing happened to me in Houston the other day.  I was heading home to Midland, and met some friends for breakfast at IHOP.  (Place of culinary delights, I know.)  One friend is from Iraq, and another, a student at Texas Tech.  We’re sitting there, visiting about our oil business, and a lady walks up.

“Pardon me, but are you Janie?”  I said, “Yes, Kay, I am, and I’ve been looking for you!”

I used to call on this lady when she lived in Midland and worked for a local oil company.  She had moved to Houston, married, and we lost touch.   We have a mutual friend who is also my neighbor, and we had been looking for Kay.  It was fun to hook up with both Jerry and Kay!

We were probably 40 miles from where she and her husband lived that day. I consider it nothing less than a miracle that we ran into each other.

It’s a small world.  I’m SO glad Kay was brave and walked over to the table that morning!  I can’t wait to see her again, and soon!

That’s all for today, I’ll be back soon! 

‘Til then, God bless, and happy trails, y’all!!

Things I See on My Travels - part 1

Sometimes, ya know, a picture speaks a thousand words.  And this picture gives a whole new meaning to BabyPhonics....when you're raised in West Texas, that is.  I mean, "thayut i-ah-ssss....".

I just can't make this stuff up.  Ahhhh swaaaarrrre.

The Buzz....in the Wall....in my House....

If you’ve been following my blog, you already know I didn’t sleep last night.

I heard a noise in one of my interior walls in my house, and told ThatManILove about it.  He had me call the electrician this morning, and they came out about 9:45 a.m.  I was in a meeting, so had my friend Martha come open the door and show them the wall.

Could they hear a freakin’ thing?

No.

They called me, and told me so.   It turns out that one of the electricians has recently married one of my good friends, and he recognized my name.  I immediately felt better. I had a brain wave, and asked him to do something for me.  Two things, exactly.

ThatManILove has installed security lights in the trees, and around the perimeter of our house.    He has these lights on a timer.  Unfortunately, one of our trees is so tall, and the electricians put a light waaaayyyyyy up in the top.  And that light...was out.

So, here were my requests.

 Will you please go up in the attic and check things out, just to make sure nothing’s wrong?

And will you check all the lights around the house, and in that tree, and make sure that they are all working?  Change out the burned-out lights?

The electrician went up in the attic, and nothing was buzzing or humming. 

So, they went to work on the security lighting.  And turned them on to test them.

And guess what?

They heard the noise. 

In the wall.

THEY HEARD THE NOISE!

They started tracing the problem, and found it was tied to the security lights.  Whenever the original electricians had installed the lighting, they had run the wires into the house, and had attached them to one of the studs at the front of the house.  

Over time, the attachment thingy had worked its way loose from the stud, and in some sort of “the thigh bone is connected to the leg bone” way, 30’ down the wall, was causing another stud to vibrate.

And thusly, the mystery of the vibrating buzzing “Oh my God I hope it’s not a short!” wall was served.

And I can breathe again.

Thanks, Clint, for pushing through and finding the solution.

And thanks, Lord, for putting the right electrician at my house today.  I am thankful.

It's Wednesday night (though this will post Thursday morning).  My dogs are snoring.  And I'm tired. So, now, I'm gonna try to go to sleep.  And while I sleep, maybe another miracle will happen, and I'll wake up looking like that picture of that beautiful girl I posted yesterday.

Blessings to each of you, and thanks for your comments.

Sleep.  Sleep.  I need sleep.

I...Didn't Sleep At All Last Night.

It’s 3 a.m., and I can’t sleep.

Tylenol PM at 10 p.m. - check.

Melatonin at 1:30 a.m. - check.

Wide awake at 3 a.m. - check.

It’s been a busy week, and I’m already tired.  Tomorrow, or should I say today, is hump day.  Halfway through the week.  

I’m almost asleep, and my mind just replays the past two days, every conversation, every thought, and plays on my insecurities.

Insecurities?  Like I have freakin’ time to have insecurities.  I don’t.  Have time, that is.

That man I love is out of town until tomorrow night.  It will be good to have him home. 

Today, I noticed a buzzing in the wall, I think it’s electrical.  I told him about it tonight, and he said, “Babe.  Call an electrician first thing in the morning.  It could be a short.”

i told him I would, we finished our phone call, and then I thought, “Crap. I bet it’s freezing in the morning and I won’t be able to get an electrician.  And then, what if it is a short?  What if the house burns down?”

Yeah.  Really conducive to sleep.

Guess I’ll make up sleep tomorrow night - after my 7 am breakfast run, and 8:30 meeting, then scheduling appointments for the next week, then a 3 p.m. conference call.  I feel like every part of me is s.c.r.e.a.m.i.n.g.  Here's proof.

Ayyyyyy!  Such is mi vida loca.

I only wish I looked that good on a bad hair day!

Random Meeting...or Was It?

My friend Sharla and I were driving to meet more friends to shop at the Dallas Trade Center.  Traffic abounded.

We’re in the lane to turn left into the parking lot for the shuttles, and I happened to look up at the vehicle in front of me.

The vehicle had some advertising across the back, and a wave of recognition slapped me in ‘da face.

I waited a second, hit a phone number and it came up on my bluetooth screen.  Dial. And then, over the loudspeakers came, “Most Excellent* Realty, Janie speaking.  How may I help you**?”

I said, “Hi!  Would you happen to be on Market Street?”

“Yes,” she said.

Now this Janie is a hoot.  We call each other “The Other Janie”.

We met, blogging.  I can’t remember how we met, but since then, we’ve each introduced each other to different bloggers, as is the wont of bloggerdom.  

Our backgrounds and lives are so similar, it’s weird.  I do remember we both used the signature “Happy Trails, Y’all”...and that’s probably the singular event that led us to each other.   We’ve had a lot of fun over the years, comparing events, etc.  If I ever move to the DFW area,  Janie’s a great realtor, and she’s promised to help us find “THE house” of our dreams.

(She really doesn’t know how twisted our dreams are, or she wouldn’t promise that.)

Have I mentioned that we’ve never really met...in person?  That all this has been virtual communication, via mobile phone or email, blogland or facebook?

All true...until today.

I said, “Well, you’ll never guess where I am!”

The Other Janie said, “Where?”

I said, “Right behind you.  In the black Sequoia!”  Sharla is laughing.

We wave, and then we decided to pull out of the line - because maybe we weren’t in the right parking lot.  Immediately, we change our minds.  And The Other Janie rolls down her window, we meet, and she says “Pull back in front of us, this is the right place.”

Is that funny?  We did.

And in the mayhem of the parking, we didn’t get to meet until hours later.  I texted her, then she texted me a couple of hours later.  And when she did, it turned out we were on the very same row in the very same building.  And if you’ve ever been to Dallas Market, you’ve got to understand that was a miracle in itself!

It was an absolute joy to FINALLY meet you and yours, Janie!  I hope we’ll see more of each other in the time to come.

And when I told ThatManILove?  He cracked up.  He thought it was so cool!!!

Yup.

It’s never boring around here!

*Business name was changed to protect the innocent.
**I can't remember exactly what she said, I was so excited! ;)

God surrounds us with the right people.  Keep your hearts open, loves.    You never know.