Wednesday, May 11, 2011

IAH Airport is a Maze...Thank God I Made It!

I gotta quit living like this.
IAH - also known as Intercontinental Airport in Houston.  Via which Continental Airlines flies - hops - somehow gets to - Midland, Tx.
To navigate IAH even when you know where you’re going - hell.
To do so thirty minutes before your flight is leaving? 
Pure, unadulterated madness.
That would be me.
My last two flights home.
The good Lord was looking over me both times - I made it...a major miracle.
Through the labryinth of the shuttle bus, which has to stop at Terminal A for 2 looooong minutes prior to going to Terminal B.  And God forbid if passengers who are trying to get to the rental car base have to board at Terminal A - it will be a lot longer than two minutes.
And then, the maze of the Terminal B itself.  The bus dumps you out at baggage.  You have to run around the elevator bank to the escalator, hop on the escalator, ride up to the “ticketing floor.”  And then, you have to go through security...which now, has the scanner.  You know, the full body oh my god can they see my fat rolls scanner?  Yeah, that one.
And right in front of you, a young lady who has forgotten to take her cigarette stubs out of her front pocket.  Her cigarette stubs.  Out of her front jeans pocket.  Which the scanner, of course, sees.  I’m wondering other things about this little chickie.
So, yeah, in case you were wondering, YES - they can. see. everything.
Finally, it’s my turn.  I step in.  Hold my hands above my head.  Make the instructed sign with my fingers.  (What is that about, anyway?  I thought that was the universal sign for vijayjay?)
I pass inspection, throw my sandals on, and do the fast walk trot 50 miles into....oh, God, not again....the basement.  Where B84N is located.
Have you been to the basement at IAH?  It’s not fun.  It’s not air-conditioned.  And N is at gate 4, the other end of the basement from the escalator.  You pass through there, and then...
You hit the hallway.  
Which is organized by alphabet.
N, remember?
Yeah.  Way down in BFE.  Probably 2 miles from whence the bus dumped me out on the pavement.
I make it with one minute to spare.
Thank God.
Remind me to be on time when flying Continental, okay?


  1. I am sorry you had to go through IAH. I live in Houston and HATE that airport.

  2. It is horrible, indeed! Or as I usually say, it puts the "S" in SUCK.

  3. You know, I've become MSP (Minneapolis), ATL, TPA (Tampa) and SRQ (Sarasota) and never have any problems, but IAH, my friend, sounds HORRID.

    You have my sympathies -- and my admiration for not only navigating it but retaining enough to WRITE about it!


  4. That's I've become ACQUAINTED wtih MSP, ATL, TPA...

  5. Well, it would probably go better for me if I got there within the requisite advised arrival time. What, 2 hours before? ME???

  6. Used to do everything I could to avoid going through IAH back in my days of travel. Last time I was in that sweltering basement was on the way back from spending the millennium new year's in Las Vegas - hung over and sickly. I vowed never again. I think they were doing construction on the entire airport then. The whole place was burning up.

  7. I have yet to fly into either of Houston's airports. But when I do, I may try to skip IAH after reading this.

    My best friend lives in Katy, so both airports are equally inconveniently located. And since we are Southwest people, we'll fly into Hobby.


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