Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Miles and Miles: The Young Whippersnapper Tales

I'm in a board meeting today, so I leave you with this - a story from last year...a trip to Denver.

Oh, my Lord. I’m exhausted. We went to 8 different offices today to call on customers. All of the visits were good, and that’s somewhat normal for my day, seeing that many customers…

We’re in Denver! Downtown Denver. The Mile High City. Which translates to tons and tons and miles of walking. And I’m old…and decrepit. Funny, I never thought of myself as that way, until today.
We had a 7 a.m. breakfast date with one customer, then an 8:15 appointment with another…about 7 blocks away, all up a steep hill.
Young Salesman: We have a trek ahead of us. This hill is killer.
Janie: I can (huff, puff) see that.
Young Salesman: When I first moved here last year from Houston, I would make this hill, and I thought I was going to die.
Janie: (Not speaking, because. I. Can’t.) (I think I am dying!) (But I’m still trying to look contained and in control, breathing regularly – when he’s not looking – because, you know, image is freakin’ everything.)
Young Salesman: (not even breathing hard) But I got over it quickly, ‘cause around here, you walk everywhere. It’s crazy when it’s icy and snowy, trying to navigate this hill.
Janie: (Still not speaking, trying to breathe and keep up with young whippersnapper: God, I think I might just fire him. Navigate the hill, hell, it’s a beautiful day and I can’t even navigate it!)
Young Salesman: The altitude and cold combined can wreak havoc on your body. One day this year, it was so cold, when I got to my office, I think my sinuses were frozen. They hurt so bad.
Janie: (What? Did he say his sinuses were frozen? I’m freakin’ burning up here! I tried to get you to let me leave my coat in the office, young fellow!)
Young Salesman: Sorry (as he leaves me behind), I'm a pretty fast walker.
Janie: (Not speaking, but wondering, “Do you think it would violate the sexual harrassment laws if you just carried me the rest of the way? I’ll give you a raise!”)
We make it to the 8:15 with minutes to spare, and have a great visit.
Then we leave for our 9 a.m. appointment.
Janie: Where to now, senor?
Young Salesman: Oh, we have to go to John’s office – it’s only about a mile and a half away.
Janie: Let’s get to it! Places to be, people to see! (Oh, yeah, I’m such a motivator!)(Do they have a recliner? I need a nap!)
He was a perfect gentleman, but he’s probably laughing his ass off tonight regaling his wife with stories of his out-of-shape lady boss. And tomorrow’s another day!
I have to go, I’m about to submit my online application to AARP...if I can find the strength to do so.

Lord, Help Me - Is This What They Call Maturity?


  1. HAHAHA You are hilarious. That whole story just played out in technicolor in my mind.

    I can totally relate, on vacation a couple months ago, my husband, the fastest walker in history, thought I was pissed at him because I silently lagged 15 feet behind him as he flew up this impossible hill on a morning hike. I wasn't pissed, I was just trying not to have a heart attack! huuffff..... puff.....dying....

    How did I use to pump that stairmaster for an hour and not loose my breath?

  2. I would hate to walk around in Denver because I know how darn cold it is there.

  3. Now that is funny stuff!

    We have had layover flights at the Denver airport. I remember the first time we stopped there, we had to RUN RUN RUN from one end to the other because we were already late for our connecting flight.

    My lips were blue when we got on the next flight. Why? Because there is NO FREAKIN' O2 that high up!!!! That's why!

  4. Abby - I promise, I had every one of these thoughts WHILE it was happening.

    OFT - It is, and it's not...if you're hormonal! ;)

    Sharon - Denver kicks my butt!!


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