Thursday, January 6, 2011

Mattress Sandwich

Bear with me as I post another rerun from early 2010 in my seemingly eternal quest to get the funny stuff moved over to the new blog:

Elder Son was in the area, roping with friends, and jumped truck at Lubbock.  So, Thursday night found us picking him up there, and bringing him home for the weekend.  We tarried too long, and got home to Midland around midnight.  Then we picked up a bit for the housecleaners, and went to bed.
Unbeknownst to me, ThatManILove had gone on a cleaning of the bedroom spree earlier that day.  Our bed - a Big Huge California King Sleigh Bed - was pulled out from the wall. I commented on such, and TMIL confessed to tackling the dust demons under and behind the bed.  (Such things are obviously beyond our house cleaners, but I digress.)
We pushed the bed back up against the wall, and got in bed.  Immediately, Zack the Wonderdog jumps in the bed, and demands to be “under his blankie.”  (Which is, by the way, a blanket on top of our comforter.)  This action places him right around where my knees go in the bed.  
And, voila!  Zack snuggles down in the bed, deep mooooaaaannnns of delight, and immediately starts snoring.
ThatManILove looks at me, and says, “Need me to move Zack?”  I tell him no, that I’ll move over closer to him.  I snuggle up to him for a second, then tell him, “Wait.  This isn’t going to work.  I have to be able to stick my foot out of the bed if it gets warm.”
(I know.  Don’t even say it.  That’s what hormones do to you when you’re my age.)
So, I skooch back over to my side of the bed, and we move Zack to the middle.  He never wakes up.  We lay back down.
And immediately hear this weird deep moaning sound.  Loud.  Louder. And then the moan escalates, both in volume and up an octave or two.  We’re looking at Zack, then realizing it’s not him, at each other.  I’ve got chill bumps on my arms.  Do we have a freakin’ ghost? Is Zanna having a bad dream?  Oh, Lord!  Is the air conditioner kicking the bucket?   (You’d be amazed at the thoughts that shoot through your brain in a second or two)
And then...
And all three of us - ThatManILove, Zack, and myself - all roll into a Deep V that now suffices for our top mattress.
I immediately start giggling.  ThatManILove - cussing.  
And Zack?  Still snuffling and snoring away.  He doesn’t even wake up.
Thank God Elder Son was around.  We have one of those Denver Mattresses, and baby, a California King top mattress ain’t light.
We move the upper mattress to determine the extent of the damage.  Guess what supports a California King Denver Mattress, under the twin box springs?
Three 2X2 slats.  Screwed into the frame.  And attached to each of them, a  3X3 leg. Two of which had bent when ThatManILove went into his cleaning frenzy,  causing the bed to lose support and the slats to break in half.
We wedged them back up, supported them (with all those books I’ve promised you I’d give away on my blog), put the mattress back on and ThatManILove went back to sleep.
That was a miracle in itself, that he could sleep through my laughter and snorts - but I finally quit laughing long enough to go to sleep.


  1. I, too, need to stick a foot out of bed when I get too warm. I think I belong to a group on Facebooks called (an I'm paraphrasing here) "Covers up? Too hot. Covers down? Too cold. Foot out of the blanket? Just right!" (or something like that)

    And John and I have broken my bed twice and his once. Granted his was an aerobed, but he has a real bed now. And the second time we broke mine, I had to buy anew frame.

    Maybe we should go on diets.

  2. Oh how funny! That is something that would totally happen to me!


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