Elder Son Follies

This was previously posted in August 2009, but is so funny, it wins the move to the new blog.
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This morning, my phone rang.   It was Elder Son, though I could barely understand him.

ES:  Mom.

Me:  Yeah, babe?

ES:  Mom, I had to ...call you.  (He’s hesitating, sounds like he’s crying.)

Me:  What’s up? Is SOMETHING WRONG???? 

(I can hear all this snuffling, and scuffing around, and some type of weird guttural noise.)

ES:  Jason and I are having to load these little...(more snuffling, weird sounds)  miniature horses that Jason’s granddad bought for Jason’s kids at the livestock auction, and...and...(mumbles off into nowhere, and I can hear him laughing and trying to catch his breath.)

(I can hear Jason laughing out loud.)

Me:  What?  What’s going on?

ES:  Well, Mom, it’s just that.....(fades into laughter again.  He finally composes himself)...we got all the horses loaded except for...(and off he goes again) except for this  (Jason laughing his butt off in the background)...

Me:  (I start laughing, too.)  Tell me!  Finish your sentence!

(Now, I ask you, how stupid is that, that I start laughing?  I can’t even see them, I don’t even know what’s happening.  But I can imagine.  Jason isn’t a tall guy, but Elder Son tops out at 6’4”...one tall lean bean.  And a miniature horse, much less 7-8 of them?  Just the visuals are funny!)

Me:  Elder Son!  Finish, please?

ES:  Mom....I can’t....it’s just that, I’m really trying...okay, give me a second....okay....we’ve been trying...trying to...(and he dissolves into man giggles again.)

I just sit there, grinning like a cheshire cat.  I don’t know what it is, but I know it’s going to be good.  It’s gonna be one of those worth the wait ones. I wait.

He finally calms down a little bit.

ES:  Mom, we’ve got all these teeny horses loaded in this honking huge trailer, (screaming deep laughter from Jase, which further kicks off both Elder Son and Jase, you can tell this laughing’s been going on a while, they’re losing their voices)...(they finally catch their breath and ES resumes)  except for (bustin’ gut laughs now)  the little stallion.  (And he cracks up again.)

Me:  The what?

ES:  The stud miniature horse, Mom.  He’s a stubborn little &*O(^)%(&.

Me:  Oh, Lordy me!(I really started laughing now.)

ES:  Oh, Mom, we are so frustrated.  We tried to herd him up with the rest of the horses.   He’d get halfway up the ramp, which is really short, then fall off.  He’d just tip over.  He’s really fat.  We’d start again - he’d back down the ramp.   He did not want to go.   Then, we tried to lead him up.  No go. Then, I led and Jase pushed.  That didn’t work.  So,  Jase led, and I pushed.  (Laughter.  Then escalating laughter.) That didn’t work, either. 

And now, Mom, the horse is mad.  He’s snorting at us and pawing at us like a bull.  It is so funny!  (Uncontrollable laughing from both he and Jase.)

(By now, tears are running down my face and I’m having trouble breathing!)

 And then, Mom....(giggles)....I finally got so frustrated I tried to pick the little b*st*rd up and throw him in the trailer. (huge laughter.)

Me:  What?  You tried to pick him up?

ES:  Yessssssssss...(fades into sputters and they’re off again, laughing hard!.)

Me:  Did it work?

ES:   Hell, no, Mom, it didn’t work (and they crack up into laughter again), he weighs 400 pounds and he was thrashing around and trying to get away!

Me:  Oh, Lordy.

ES:  I gotta go, Mom, we gotta figure this out, I just had to call you.

And he hangs up laughing.

I talked to him this morning.  They finally got the stud horse loaded into the trailer. How, you ask?

Elder Son and Jason physically picked up the horse, together, and stuffed him in the trailer.

Elder Son is still laughing.

And so am I!