Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Pushup, Smushup

Oh, my Lord.
This morning, at 5 a.m., I went and met my personal trainer and did my evaluation. 
Or should I say, she did my evaluation.
I now know I am WAY out of shape.
I now know I have WAY too much body fat, even though I’ve lost 50 pounds.
I now know I don’t have half the flexibility I used to have.
I now know I can’t do one - 1 -  you know, like “three, two, one? - pronounced “won” - pushup.  One stinking pushup.
I thought a pushup was a bra type, dammit.
I now know I can’t do lunges, or squats, since I hurt my knee prior to the Alaska trip.
Nothing like a little self-realization to make you feel secure and good about yourself.
I might as well not go, right?  Right?  (C’mon, give me some affirmation here.  I only need one little excuse to quit - you know, before I even get really started?)
To her credit, she didn’t laugh at me every time I failed, or even make fun of how out of shape I am.  Thank God.
She did smile and say, “You’ll get better.” Which sounds an awful lot like:  “Bwahahahahahaha...I’m going to get you, my pretty!”
And hot?
Jumpin’ Jehosaphat, it was HOT in there.  At 5 in the morning!  HOT!!!
I’m on the treadmill.  And she’s pushing the incline up, doing my cardio evaluation.  I finally told her, “Hey, it’s hot in here.  I’m menopausal.  I threaten to CUT my husband when I get too hot. Just saying.”
She smiled, and turned on the oscillating fan.    Little does she know, in that one beautiful action, she may have well saved her sweet little life.  

It's never boring around here.


  1. I promise, my pretty, it DOES get easier. Hang in there and pretty soon, you're going to be telling us how MANY pushups you've done. I am holding out for TEN! Hoorah!

  2. Life without an oscillating fan may just as well be death. GAWD.... I live in front of my fan these past few years... It better never ever ever break down. Never!


  3. Don't quit!

    It will make you feel really good about you, it will improve your health, it will get you in shape. Don't quit.

    mmm eww I sorta sound like a personal trainer. Nope not one, but I know how great exercise makes a person feel! I run (took that up at 43, almost 4 yrs ago) I lift weights some and I enjoy yoga. (need to get back in a yoga class bad) A place did open up about 25 minutes from me. So I can no longer say there isn't a place out here to do that.

    Anywho don't quit! Sure I have days I have to push myself into getting started but once you do and you get done. You always think to yourself, you go girl!

    Totally understand the hot flash thing, totallllly. Mood swings? um well lets define mood swings ROFL. ya it is scary at times isn't it LOL.

  4. Hilarious. I hate it when I am feeling great, like I am in good shape and then someone or something shows me that I am not!

  5. You're never boring, Jane!
    Hang in there with exercise. Time and time, added and multiplied, all your efforts will make your lighter and stronger and fitter and HAPPIER.

  6. As a hubby of a menopausal woman I feel both your and his pain, I have had to revert to hiding all the knives in the garage where I hide...cause it's to hot for her to even step foot in there.
    Keep on keeping on, you will get there
    Cheers, Sausage...

  7. You? Boring? NEVER!! Out of shape? Join the club, sister. The knowledge that I now have to work twice as hard to get half the results I got 20 years ago has made me decide love me like I am or get the hell out of my way! Luckily, John is smart and loves me just like this!

  8. Wanting to quit before you start is prolly not a good sign. Haha! Don't look to me for inspiration, girlie. I need to lose 15 and I've been saying that for two years now. Just can't get motivated. Good luck to you though! :)

  9. Bwahaha! This is why I do not have a trainer. No, no, never. ;)
    But good luck to you, Janie-girl! Go girl!


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